Archive for the ‘Regional Snobbery’ Category

Going hunting for cash

December 11, 2013

Christmas Spirit Fail supposes it was inevitable.

Really, for the family that commands TV ratings and book bestseller lists, branching out with a Christmas album (and associated DVD) was sort of a no-brainer.

We don’t actually have that big a problem with these songs. “Hairy Christmas” is probably the cutest of the lot:

We can only ask: was this truly necessary? Is there any artistic virtue to this project? Is there any purpose to it beyond vacuuming more money out of the pockets of Duck Dynasty fans?

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Dreaming of a green Christmas…

December 6, 2013

Everyone from Tennessee to California to the District of Columbia seems to have a special pride in the way they celebrate Christmas at home. With a tip of the homburg to @anikapanika, the Pacific Northwest is no exception:

The point of regional pride, of course, is that Christmas isn’t white in the Northwest–it’s green (unless, of course, you find yourself east of the Cascades, but let’s do like most people in Seattle do and pretend those folks don’t exist).

And… that’s about the entire substance of this five-minute song. You might be forgiven for feeling like that “gift wrapped up in green” was a wee bit oversold.

The feds should go after this kind of sugary treat…

December 6, 2010

We at Christmas Spirit Fail hang our homburg in the District of Columbia, where we have for several years now enjoyed a festive and charming Christmas season, accented by the “national” Christmas trees and other public displays. (The wreaths at Union Station may be our favorite.)

And since there’s no chance that a pleasant thing won’t get ruined by attempts to memorialize it in song:

The music alone makes our teeth ache, but the lyrics are worse: like a cut-rate Peggy Noonan under a close deadline to bang out a religious-patriotic holiday column, Maura Sullivan (the singer) and John London’s syrupy verse places even Christmas under the thumb of our federal frolic-masters in “America’s hometown.”

(That’s right: they call it “America’s hometown.” Notwithstanding the fact that at least half of D.C. area residents were born somewhere else, and often call that place their hometown, what claim does the federal city have of being the place where Americans devote their patriotic affection? I think Philly has a much better claim.)

And the chorus ought to offend every red-blooded American: Read the rest of this entry »

With Filipino Christmas music, you can’t luzon.

December 9, 2009

Today’s entry comes from the other side of the globe, where the Filipino band Itchyworms (do they mean ohrwurms?) has given us “Season of Smiles.”

The video contains images of the Philippines’ off-the-hook Christmas celebration, and the song itself contains dozens of profound thoughts: “Don’t forget to wear a smile.” “Kiss me if you want to.” “One smile will make you feel at home.”

Man, these lyrics are so bland that you might call them plain manila.

Hang ten (ornaments on the tree)

December 6, 2009

St. Nicholas is a somewhat malleable icon. His envisioning ranges from his historical identity as a bishop to Sinterklaas’s Zwarte Piet to the Thomas Nast/Clement Clarke Moore vision of Santa Claus. But every culture has its claim on Santa…

…including California’s.

Yes, it’s Surfin’ Santa, slacking off from present-delivery and catching some waves off the Cali coast. Among the other deliveries he’s holding up: our Christmas spirit.

Nar nar, dude!

Self-satisfied Tennessee Christmas

November 12, 2009

There are a lot of people who believe that Christmas is done best in their hometown or part of the country. Whether it’s snow and sledding, lighting a star on a mountain, celebrating the Feast of the Three Kings, eating gumbo, watching the mummers parade, or putting presents under the palm tree while drinking margaritas, everyone’s partial to the way they do Christmas back home.

But not everybody has to sing about it.

And if you do have to sing about it, does it have to be so maudlin? Are Tennesseans really praying in their childlike hearts for a white Christmas? Does Tennessee have some monopoly on love circling ’round? And why the gratuitous digs at Colorado and L.A.?

Sheesh, I’m a native Tennessean, and this song is enough to make me go spend Christmas somewhere far from home–say, Belgium.