Archive for the ‘Gross Musical Product’ Category

When parents aren’t guardians

December 13, 2016

Christmas Spirit Fail takes no pleasure in the poor decisions of those too young, really, to know better. That’s what parents are for.

And in this case, 11-year-old Cruz Beckham’s parents have failed him.

 

From the autotuned voice to the limited vocal range (at least he didn’t try to be Mariah) to the insipid and inscrutable lyrics,* this effort is wholly forgettable. And yet…

If everyday was Christmas and I can be with you
Underneath the mistletoe
Kiss you when nobody knows

Christmas Spirit Fail doesn’t care if you’re 11. You try getting with our daughter “when nobody knows” and every day will indeed be Christmas–since that Christmas will be your last, Casanova. The “fire started blazing bright” will be our fury, and the “wintersnow” you don’t mind will be what your ass will be thrown out on for attempting to mack with our little girl.

Perhaps the greatest enormity of all? Getting your humble CSF team to admit that we agree with Piers Morgan. A Christmas miracle indeed.

*What does “I wish everyday was Christmas with you?” even mean? What about “If everyday was Christmas, you were here with me/That would be all Christmas time for me”? Does the beloved make non-Christmas days into Christmas? Is the lover’s love only true on Christmas? Is Christmas Spirit Fail reading too much into this?

 

Advertisements

This Christmas… we will not get our wish

December 5, 2014

Every year, we at Christmas Spirit Fail have just one Christmas wish: that we will have documented the very last horrid Christmas song and can thus hang up our curmudgeonly Santa cap for good. (We also wish for a return of the future perfect tense, but one can’t have everything.)

Every year, of course, brings a new measure of disappointment as we turn on the radio or the online streaming app. Just the other day, we were doing a little Cyber Monday shopping and we heard six ghastly songs in a row on the Amazon Prime Christmas music station.

Led, of course, by this new little number:

“Do you really think I’d miss the chance to kiss your champagne lips?” Please, Julia, children are listening.

(Please don’t confuse this sad little number with an R&B holiday standard of the same name.)

Bad Santa

December 12, 2013

Christmas Spirit Fail was delighted to get an email from friend byMags yesterday noting the following Christmas train wreck:

We were less delighted once we listened all the way through. As Wikipedia helpfully notes, “The lyrics are sexually suggestive, not having much to do with Christmas as a holiday.” (Citation needed!)

Public service announcement: keep your back doors locked this Christmas. The real Santa comes through the chimney, and probably brings flowers if he’s taking you on a date.