Dave Barry, honorary Christmas Spirit Failer

We recently dug up this nugget of a column from Dave Barry, back in 2002:

Let’s all get into the Holiday Spirit, as expressed by the festive song heard so very often on the radio at this time of year:

“Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!

“Jingle bell …”

BANG

That was the festive sound of the radio being struck with a hammer by reader Sarah Frates, who writes to say she is sick of “Jingle Bell Rock.” She also states that her husband, Ralph, isn’t a big fan of “The Little Drummer Boy.”

I am with Ralph on that. Oh, sure, “The Little Drummer Boy” is a beautiful song, for maybe the first 35 minutes. But eventually it gets on your nerves, those voices shrieking, “Rum-pa-pa-pum!”

For openers, drums don’t go “Rum-pa-pa-pum.” Drums go “Rat-a-tat- tat.” Also I have issues with the line from “The Little Drummer Boy” that goes, “The ox and lamb kept time.”

Really? How? Did they clack their hooves together, castanet-style? Are we supposed to believe that two barnyard animals with legume-level IQs started doing the macarena?

Read the whole thing. Includes an interesting excursus into popular music for Jewish winter holidays.

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